Tommy Wiseau, Master of Film

When Tommy Wiseau, Master Of Film Enters The Battlefield, You Must Say Its Flavor Text. Target Opponent Loses 3 Life, And You Gain 3 Life. Afterward Tap 3 Of Target Opponents Creatures, They Do Not Untap For 3 Turns.
When Another Creature Enters The Battlefield, Read This Creatures Flavor Text:
If You Control The Creature, It Gains +3/+3. If An Opponent Controls The Creature, It Loses -3/-3.
Oh Hai [Target Opponent Or Creature]!